Monologue- Something I know he'd approve of

Something I know he’d approve of.

Being married to a woman for 40 years and being a vicar were certainly not my intentions.

                                                                                              

You see, as a young man I always aspired to be an actor. I just had the “schoolboy good looks” and in all honesty, I was very good at it. You’re probably asking yourself, “How on earth did he end up being a vicar?” Well, it’s one of those predictable stories.

I started off as an actor in a small theatre. Theatre was just right for me as it allowed me to dance- another passion of mine. I loved the glitter, the lights, the music and the adrenalin. Although I was surrounded by young, beautiful girls, I never really bothered with them. Can’t explain why. I just didn’t.

After a long tiring day I would relax by sitting in the dressing rooms, a young woman would come in- every evening without fail. She’d be cleaning, ever so slowly. I’d just sit there and watch her. I remember the way she would wrap the cloth around her almost-closed hand as she glided it up and down the bottle of hairspray. She’d look at me in the eye and almost smile- just slightly curl her lips. Being a virgin at the time, I was intrigued.

And guess that that beautiful tease of a woman was? My wife. My old crone of a wife. My passion for theatre soon stopped after we got married. In fact, all my passion stopped. Why did I get myself into marrying her? To this day I’m still asking myself that question. The thing about Susan is that she’d love to play; she’d tease me endlessly. I wouldn’t say I was particularly attracted to her, I was more curious.  But being a young man in the thirties was different to nowadays. Mother and father were awfully traditional being strongly religious and all, “Geoffrey when are you going to stop dancing around and find yourself and wife and a proper job?”

Father was embarrassed by me. I’ll always remember how he used to make up stories that I had a girlfriend to his church friends- to this day I’ll never know why. Almost feels like he was trying to prove something to them. Anyhow, he died at an early age and I suppose I felt bad. Felt as though I was never good enough. That’s when I decided to quit my job and as well as marrying Susan.

Did it all for my father, found a wife and became a vicar- something I know he’d approve of. I hate being asked whether I really believe in god, because in reality, I don’t. But with my acting talents I cover I up well- if I do say so myself.  Although, I prefer male company, most of the people I work with are women. Why do women constantly talk about sex? It’s over-rated. I must admit that the whole teasing and talking about sex is fun, exciting, compelling. It lures me in, but then the sex itself is rather stiff. Doesn’t flow and just doesn’t feel right. Thinking about it, it’s never felt right. Is it Susan or is it just simply me? Being truthful, I don’t love her. I know she hasn’t but I know I wouldn’t mind for her to see other men. My god this sounds bad, I suppose you think I’m an awful person. I’m not really. I’m just doing a job that I hate with a woman I don’t love. In fact, I’ve never met a woman I’ve loved. I never met a woman I’ve been particularly drawn to either I suppose. But to avoid going back to the house, I work as much as I can, try to have as much fun as a vicar can have- sound impossible, doesnt' it?